Nurturing young minds through arts
2008/07/16
NORMAH Nordin, a cultural big gun, weighs in on the matter of deliberate parenting and also the importance of the arts.
“Yes, parents definitely have to be more responsible in the development of their children,” said Normah.
She added that “deliberate parenting is a style of bringing up children that acknowledges the importance of nurturing the minds of children by their parents. Children today are smart and gifted and it is our duty to see that they reach their full potential. I must also add that the arts is an important part of society that can complement deliberate parenting. Children can discuss issues amongst their peers by watching plays on matters that interest them, which parents do not necessarily discuss with them.”
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Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Children see, children do
Children see, children do
By : FRANCIS DASS
2008/07/16
Deliberate parenting, when done properly, will result in a child who is smart, confident and happy.
Six families had the opportunity to attend a parental workshop that prescribes deliberate parenting, family communications and bonding. FRANCIS DASS writes.
Jambunathan is a strong proponent of deliberate parenting.
HAVING spent more than a decade and a half in journalism, I can safely say that not many things surprise me in life.
So it was with great interest that I did a second take on a sentence that said, “... it is important for parents to quarrel in front of their children to teach their children how to fight.”
It was a Press invitation and I was sold instantly to finding out more. As it turned out, those words were tied to a parental workshop that was part of “Gain Family Discovery Camp” at Berjaya Tioman Beach, Spa and Golf Resort, Pahang, in early June. It was organised by pharmaceutical giant Abbott Malaysia.
Six sets of parents, each with two children below the age of seven, took part in the experiential learning workshop and have seen marked improvement in the respective parent-child relationship. (See Sidebar 1.)
“One of the camp’s objectives was to educate parents — a child’s first teacher — about laying the foundation for children’s emotional development,” explained Lee Swee Chin, from Abbott Laboratories (M) Sdn Bhd.
During this interview recently, Lee, the group marketing manager in Abbott Malaysia’s paediatric nutrition division, said that in organising the camp, Abbott was determined to take the participating families from the hustle and bustle of life and bring them closer to nature, to ensure a more meaningful time. “We wanted these parents to be equipped with the right parenting skills,” she said.
The camp had many activities to enable the participating parents to gain a holistic insight into the art of meaningful parenting.
(A contest was held in April by Abbott Malaysia to select participants for the camp. More than 100 entries were received.)
The camp facilitator was Paul K. Jambunathan, consultant clinical psychologist at Monash University Medical School and Sunway Medical Centre.
One particular workshop which was the highlight of the camp relates to the intriguing line that got our attention.
Jambunathan said discussion about this subject came about because the parents wanted to know if it was okay to quarrel in front of their children. The answer was a simple yes because parents, he said, are the architects of their children’s developmental curriculum.
According to Jambunathan, it was perfectly fine for parents to quarrel in front of their children and even, as a result of the conflict, to not speak to one another for a few hours or a day or two.
“What happens after the quarrel? There are consequences. Positive things can come out from this and parents can decide on this — based, of course, on their family values,” he explained.
“This way, children come to understand that if they express an emotion, they must be responsible for it.”
Children watch their parents closely, picking pointers on how they should model their own behaviour.
“Whatever it is that you’re doing, your children are watching. Visual experience is the primary tool for learning and modelling their behaviour. Eighty per cent of a child’s learning comes from visual experience. They look — they follow!” added Jambunathan.
Jambunathan was, of course, speaking of normal parents engaged in normal arguments and misunderstandings, not couples/parents who are pathologically abusive or abnormal.
He said parents must understand why they do what they do.
On children mimicking observed behaviour, Jambunathan’s explanation makes perfect sense: if we observe children who react rashly to situations, i.e. uncontrollable outbursts and irrational behaviour modelled after video- or computer games, it is clear that they have not thought of the consequences of their reactions.
(Many reported cases of violence amongst children bear proof of this.)
Jambunathan has been a passionate observer of families and their dynamics both professionally (as a psychologist) and as a parent himself (the 50-year old and his wife have two daughters).
He recalls a local study done around 1989-1990 on the quality time spent together by families which proved to be an eye opener for him — the average father then, it seemed, spent two minutes talking to his child and the average housewife about five minutes.
Things apparently never went beyond a few minutes of reporting about what the child did throughout the day or how school was.
“Nowadays, with the rise in the hiring of maids, parents spend even less time with their children,” said Jambunathan.
For this reason, he added, the six families that took part in the camp were lucky because they would not have had a chance to spend as much time together otherwise.
A thoroughly modern parent himself, Jambunathan sees plenty of hope in even the most difficult child.
He never refers to children as spoilt or brats. At the most, when pressed to label difficult children, he only goes as far as describing them as misbehaving children.
And the solution to correcting behavioral flaws is easy, he insisted.
“Children need attention and parents should give them their attention. Parents should be engaged in deliberate parenting and not accidental parenting,” he advised.
“Deliberate parenting means involving the children in activities (like planning visits and trips) and planning the curriculum for the children,” he said.
He says children should be taught the idea of co-operative living.
(Parenting is not just about teaching children “fighting skills”, but also building their capacity for empathy, being moral individuals, caring and a whole host of other admirable qualities that help them realise their full potential.)
“Parents who want to modify their children’s behaviour and learning experiences can do so if they become aware and are honest to the situation (i.e. ‘This is what I am doing’, ‘This is what I am not doing as a parent’, ‘This is what someone else is doing’ etc) — and seek resources.
“If it is necessary, parents should seek psychological and psychiatric help for children who need emotional and behavioural guidance and support.
“Professionally, I see the breakdown of families day in and day out. The symptoms of these relationship breakdowns show when the child reaches adolescence, but the problem obviously started early.
“I would dare be reductionist enough to say that the root (of such breakdowns) is family communications and bonding — or the lack of it,” said Jambunathan.
By : FRANCIS DASS
2008/07/16
Deliberate parenting, when done properly, will result in a child who is smart, confident and happy.
Six families had the opportunity to attend a parental workshop that prescribes deliberate parenting, family communications and bonding. FRANCIS DASS writes.
Jambunathan is a strong proponent of deliberate parenting.
HAVING spent more than a decade and a half in journalism, I can safely say that not many things surprise me in life.
So it was with great interest that I did a second take on a sentence that said, “... it is important for parents to quarrel in front of their children to teach their children how to fight.”
It was a Press invitation and I was sold instantly to finding out more. As it turned out, those words were tied to a parental workshop that was part of “Gain Family Discovery Camp” at Berjaya Tioman Beach, Spa and Golf Resort, Pahang, in early June. It was organised by pharmaceutical giant Abbott Malaysia.
Six sets of parents, each with two children below the age of seven, took part in the experiential learning workshop and have seen marked improvement in the respective parent-child relationship. (See Sidebar 1.)
“One of the camp’s objectives was to educate parents — a child’s first teacher — about laying the foundation for children’s emotional development,” explained Lee Swee Chin, from Abbott Laboratories (M) Sdn Bhd.
During this interview recently, Lee, the group marketing manager in Abbott Malaysia’s paediatric nutrition division, said that in organising the camp, Abbott was determined to take the participating families from the hustle and bustle of life and bring them closer to nature, to ensure a more meaningful time. “We wanted these parents to be equipped with the right parenting skills,” she said.
The camp had many activities to enable the participating parents to gain a holistic insight into the art of meaningful parenting.
(A contest was held in April by Abbott Malaysia to select participants for the camp. More than 100 entries were received.)
The camp facilitator was Paul K. Jambunathan, consultant clinical psychologist at Monash University Medical School and Sunway Medical Centre.
One particular workshop which was the highlight of the camp relates to the intriguing line that got our attention.
Jambunathan said discussion about this subject came about because the parents wanted to know if it was okay to quarrel in front of their children. The answer was a simple yes because parents, he said, are the architects of their children’s developmental curriculum.
According to Jambunathan, it was perfectly fine for parents to quarrel in front of their children and even, as a result of the conflict, to not speak to one another for a few hours or a day or two.
“What happens after the quarrel? There are consequences. Positive things can come out from this and parents can decide on this — based, of course, on their family values,” he explained.
“This way, children come to understand that if they express an emotion, they must be responsible for it.”
Children watch their parents closely, picking pointers on how they should model their own behaviour.
“Whatever it is that you’re doing, your children are watching. Visual experience is the primary tool for learning and modelling their behaviour. Eighty per cent of a child’s learning comes from visual experience. They look — they follow!” added Jambunathan.
Jambunathan was, of course, speaking of normal parents engaged in normal arguments and misunderstandings, not couples/parents who are pathologically abusive or abnormal.
He said parents must understand why they do what they do.
On children mimicking observed behaviour, Jambunathan’s explanation makes perfect sense: if we observe children who react rashly to situations, i.e. uncontrollable outbursts and irrational behaviour modelled after video- or computer games, it is clear that they have not thought of the consequences of their reactions.
(Many reported cases of violence amongst children bear proof of this.)
Jambunathan has been a passionate observer of families and their dynamics both professionally (as a psychologist) and as a parent himself (the 50-year old and his wife have two daughters).
He recalls a local study done around 1989-1990 on the quality time spent together by families which proved to be an eye opener for him — the average father then, it seemed, spent two minutes talking to his child and the average housewife about five minutes.
Things apparently never went beyond a few minutes of reporting about what the child did throughout the day or how school was.
“Nowadays, with the rise in the hiring of maids, parents spend even less time with their children,” said Jambunathan.
For this reason, he added, the six families that took part in the camp were lucky because they would not have had a chance to spend as much time together otherwise.
A thoroughly modern parent himself, Jambunathan sees plenty of hope in even the most difficult child.
He never refers to children as spoilt or brats. At the most, when pressed to label difficult children, he only goes as far as describing them as misbehaving children.
And the solution to correcting behavioral flaws is easy, he insisted.
“Children need attention and parents should give them their attention. Parents should be engaged in deliberate parenting and not accidental parenting,” he advised.
“Deliberate parenting means involving the children in activities (like planning visits and trips) and planning the curriculum for the children,” he said.
He says children should be taught the idea of co-operative living.
(Parenting is not just about teaching children “fighting skills”, but also building their capacity for empathy, being moral individuals, caring and a whole host of other admirable qualities that help them realise their full potential.)
“Parents who want to modify their children’s behaviour and learning experiences can do so if they become aware and are honest to the situation (i.e. ‘This is what I am doing’, ‘This is what I am not doing as a parent’, ‘This is what someone else is doing’ etc) — and seek resources.
“If it is necessary, parents should seek psychological and psychiatric help for children who need emotional and behavioural guidance and support.
“Professionally, I see the breakdown of families day in and day out. The symptoms of these relationship breakdowns show when the child reaches adolescence, but the problem obviously started early.
“I would dare be reductionist enough to say that the root (of such breakdowns) is family communications and bonding — or the lack of it,” said Jambunathan.
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